Becoming human

Always thought I am the impeccable and impassive kind of person, or at least I have been trying to present this image of myself to others. The past two days have made me realise that I am neither.

I guess it has got to do with the many events scheduled, now that September is impending. Was in rather low spirits the past few days because I did not seem to do anything right or fast enough. Work kept piling up, my desk kept getting messier and I kept receiving phone calls, sms messages and emails to remind me of the stuff that I owed or are due.

Kept telling myself that I cannot, that I can never ever, allow others to question my ability to work. I thought I had been handling the workload quite well... until this week.

It was actually just a simple gesture from one of my colleagues. She merely asked if I need help for my teachers' day celebration dinner. When she offered her help, I thought my workload was still manageable, so I politely declined. After all, she has her own work to do. Yet, she replied nicely and simply, "This is a CCC project. I should help. I am free also." I was very touched by her offer. It made me felt so much better.

I used to think that although my colleagues get along well with one other, it is rather rare to see people "volunteer" to help the others in their events or projects. We are, as it is, already too busy with our respective portfolios. It will be an achievement if we can finish our work on time. We can, therefore, forget about helping others. How can we do that when usually we ourselves are the ones who need help?

I was so grateful to her that I sent her an appreciative message. This is something which I would not normally do. I send a message to my CSO today also, telling her I am guilty of throwing out work to her at the last minute. Guess what she told me? "I am supposed to help you."

I am really grateful that there are such supportive colleagues around. I guess this week I am also getting more emotional. Not just due to the coming events but also because another of my colleague is leaving soon.

I used to think I was a superman. That I can juggle work, pressure, social life, interests effectively. Not anymore. Not after what happened this past week, but I guess heroes also have their vulnerable moments. An excerpt of the lyrics from Five For Fighting's "Superman":

It may sound absurd...
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me